So Much Life Still Left to Live

I have selfishly taken a couple weeks off of my role as executor. Mainly as I needed a mental break after the house sold and there weren't any large outstanding decisions to make until now. Time keeps trucking along and my Mom's ashes or cremains, as I learned this week, still need to be buried. We were delayed in burying them as I was sent to Mount Sinai so soon after her funeral. The timeframe for her burial is mid-August when my BC-dwelling brother is home for a friend's wedding.

As I looked at the calendar last week, I realized I had to get moving with the plans. My currently indesisive brain is having a hard time making decisions about everything, including plots and headstones, but also what to make for dinner, when to go to bed and how much caffiene to drink in one day. A couple of nights ago, I was sorting through Mom's seemingly endless piles of pictures that have taken up residence at our house with lots of memories of moments in time flooding in. While driving Ava around for a nap the past couple of days, I have had time reflect on my mom's life and some of our crazy times together. After reflecting on her life for a while, I often think about the things she didn't get to do yet and the life she still had left to live.

Sights Unseen and Memories Left Behind

Mom and I talked about travel a lot. I was fortunate to have parents that liked to travel and took us places as soon as they could. My Dad was UK born and bred and we often travelled to England as children to see the Chapman side. Since becoming an empty nester, my Mom loved going down south with her friends and was always looking forward to her next adventure.

We talked about where we would go if we won the lottery, dream trips and places we wanted to go one more time. One of our last conversations was about travelling, she was discussing everyone's travel plans for August, both of my Aunts/her sisters were headed on separate adventures. She was disappointed she didn't have any plans to travel in the near future. In mid-November, I finally accessed her email amongst all those spam-like emails I saw an email from Trip Advisor reminding her that she had added a Dominican resort to her favourites list. I opened the email and saw that it was also recommending other resorts for her. It made me sad, especially as I pulled out pictures of previous family trips and trips she went on with friends earlier this week.

My mom was a saver and very resourceful economically; some would call her frugal, but she better suits resourceful. She would put aside any extra money, which was difficult for a self-employed single mom, for a rainy day or an exciting adventure. When she saved enough for her trip she made the most of every day on vacation, from sun up to sun down.. Dave has lovingly dubbed vacations I plan as "Sheena Chapman" vacations because we have something planned from the second we step off the plane. This need to soak up every minute of vacation has definitely been inherited from my mom.

I started a small travel bucket list of my mom's dream travel destinations when I was in the hospital, but never finished it (and don't worry Dave, I am not planning anything).  Lately as I go through photo after photo, album after album, I am reminded of the conversations we had about places we would go and what we would see. My heart breaks when I realize she will never ride the banana boat again in the Dominican Republic, see the sunset over the harbour in Tobermory or wander the car-free and care-free Island of Mackinac Island eating ice cream and watching the world go by. She had so much more life to live and so much more to see and do.

My hope for my life is to share this beautiful world with Ava and teach her to appreciate other cultures, learn history through seeing and doing and value how fortunate we are to live in Canada (a beautiful country and one we need to see more of). I hope that when I ultimately pass, she isn't left with a list of places I left wanting to see but an album full of beautiful memories our family shared together with a couple of Disney trips thrown in for good measure.

Mom (at the front) excited for the banana boat. Her laughter was the best part of the ride!

Mat Leave Life: Full Force ....loading now!

It's been a while. The words stopped flowing over the winter as we dealt with snow and everything that went along with selling my Mom's house and all of her estate business. Winter consisted of: snow, trips to Erin to clean out the house, more snow, Christmas, New Year's, swimming, more snow, trips to Erin to prep the house for market, appointments with the bank, more snow, house on the market, mild spell, follow-up with the bank, house sold, snow, Salsa Babies, swimming, snow, bank appointment, waiting for closing date...

Spring all of a sudden showed up and days seem to be speeding by, The house did close and I have been left a little lost. My job as executor/executrix (whatever you want to call it: person who gets to do all the paperwork, running around to the bank/lawyer, following up with the bank to make sure they did the thing that they did wrong three weeks ago and said they would fix but didn't do it right...I'm not mad still about that RBC but maybe a little) is slowly winding down. Thank goodness I have been off though. I don't know how executors do it while working!

Mat Leave Life: Full Force

Since getting out of the hospital, taking care of Mom's estate has been at the forefront of my brain. I am finally trying on this mat leave life with full force. Mom friends have told me not to count down, BUT I have roughly 17 weeks until I return to my paying job. With these 17 weeks, I am hoping to fit in as much maternity leave fun as I can because, to be honest, I feel I was a bit deprived of some of the experience. 

The biggest trouble I have at the mom and me programs is relating to the other mom's. Mat Leave Life: Full Force, as it's usually definied (hanging out with baby, going to mom and me program's, no crazy ridiculous estate appointments), is all they have known. Most didn't have to live in a hospital for the last bit of the pregnancy or wait forever and a day for their time in the OR to come. Most also didn't lose their mom so close to the birth of their first child and have to come home to sort out an estate. It can be difficult to relate to these mom's because I view their pregnancies and their maternity leaves with such envy because they were "normal" or more normal than mine. All pregnancies and maternity leaves come with their own trials and tribulations, but most of the time these aren't shared at the mom and me programs. When they are shared, I usually hold back because I don't want to seem like the one-upper to get sympathy or pity or whatever those looks are on people's faces when I tell them what happened.

That being said, I am sharing here, but I don't know who reads this or if anyone will read this. Lucky you, it's anonymous!

I am hoping to continue blogging a little bit more as I start Mat Leave Life:Full Force to help organize my thoughts and for Ava to look back on one day in the future. By that time, she will probably be able to put some microchip in her head and all the memories will just imprint on her brain. The tricky part about blogging is time, especially since Ava still does not like napping. Most days I spend her naptime driving around the Georgian Triangle with her in the backseat sleeping. I have definitely been down all those roads that you see from the road but never go down to see whats down there because you don't have time. I even found an amazing addition to the short-cut to Erin.  One of my many goals for Mat Leave Life:Full Force is to get this child to nap in her bed!!!

Blog Name

I guess I should change the name of the blog from "The Human Oven" to something else. We were officially told not to have any more children with my oven, so we are closing the shop down.

If you have any suggestions for a new name or anything I should add to my Mat Leave Life: Full Force to do list let me know by leaving a comment :)

Ava, working hard.